Life

I'm going to a Young Life even in about an hour, and have lots of homework to do. Logically, I should be doing the homework to relieve all the stress it's giving me, but no, I'm writing a post to my blog.

I could have done my homework yesterday too. In fact, I had almost a whole day to myself. What a wonderful opportunity to get caught up, or, dare I say, ahead.  In my defense, I did need to catch up on sleep from last week.   All this quarter I've been staying up past 2 and 3 AM every night (...or morning). Why? I'm not sure. Stupid stuff. Me procrastinating, having fun doing nothing much.

If I'd just sit down and do my homework I would be so stressed all the time, rushing to get essays and lab reports done the night before they're due.  I never wanted to live this way, and I certainly don't want to any more. I've had enough of just getting my, of pretending to be doing my work, of pretending to study. I can't afford to not be the best I can be anymore.

I've tried blaming things for distracting me, most recently my friends, but really the might have been enablers, but I get no more done when I'm away from them.  So, now, I'm finally coming around to the idea that what must change is entirely me, or in my head... My priorities, my work ethic, my motivation.

I know that my schooling is something I cannot afford to give up, so I think I must make it a priority above almost everything else, but as long as I keep it up to a certain (high) level, how much and when I work on it is flexible.  Young Life is important to me. I enjoy working with younger people, and I very much want to give back and help bring people up in a more caring way.  So, Young Life is high on my priorities list too. As with school, I don't have to give it 100%, but the more I give it the better, and if i give it too little, it just won't do.

Friends are harder to sort out. They are not as scheduled. In fact, the are flat out unpredictable, and they usually can't wait, so if one is to serve his friends, everything else my bend for them. But how to find the balance? Serve friends too much and everything else suffers, yet not serving friends lets them fall or drift away.

Life was so much simpler back in high school when I practically never saw friends away from school. I had hours of time all my myself, to do what ever I wanted. Yes, I still procrastinated, and stayed up to horrible hours doing my homework, But I got it done, and I didn't have friend to run around making sure the didn't fall, or picking up the pieces if the situation demanded. That's not to say I didn't do a little of that, I did. A held a few couple-hour phone calls that were very important to the well being of the person I was talking to, but those were few.

And yet, all that time I wanted to be friends with more people, I dreamed about being friends with the popular kids, about being in the "AP kids click", about being on sports teams.  I think that's a post for another time; however. I have to get ready for my Young Life thing now, and figure out if I can actually get this to post, since I haven't in so long.

Sorry to leave you with such uncompleted thoughts, but life demands that we do things on it's schedule, not the artificial ones in our heads or on paper.